Childbirth Class

So Jason and I survived childbirth class. The first class, was all about natural childbirth and showed plenty of videos of women crazy enough to give natural childbirth. After just one video I was convinced that I did’t want to be pregnant any longer and I there would be no way that I would be able to to give birth to Baby D! Jason said the noises that the women made not only scared grown men, but animals! I don’t know who was more afraid, me or him. Jason thinks all teenage boys should have to watch the videos we did and that would keep them from ever wanting to have sex! I told the guy at the hair salon about it and he thinks we would have an increase in the number of gay men as a result. The videos didn’t faze the guy in the class that already has two kids with other women. He was also the only one managed to eat during the videos.
So part of natural childbirth it to learn various coping strategies/stress relieving techniques. A few of them require that you lay down on the floor. I'm thinking, this is going to be interesting watching 10 huge pregnant women get down onto the floor and then back up once we are done. New Age music is playing softly in the back ground, you and your “partner” are spooning each other with your eyes closed while the childbirth educator is asking you to visualize that you are laying a field with the warm sun beaming down on you, your uterus is contracting while your cervix is getting thinner--I'm sure this is just what every guy in the room wants to be visualizing. While she continues to read, Jason whispers to me, “Is that your feet that I’m rubbing?” I respond, “Uh, No” as I start to bite my lip because I know I’m about to lose control and bust out laughing since its not my feet that he’s been playing footsie with. I can hear the panic in Jason’s voice as he tells me, “Oh my God, I was rubbing that guy’s head with my feet!” My entire body starts convulsing, tears streaming out of the corners of my eyes as I try to contain my laughter and not interrupt the class while they are trying to visualize their uterus contracting out of fear that we will be kicked out of childbirth class. Obviously we weren’t the only ones not being very good students, because someone started snoring half way through the exercise. You’ve never seen a pregnant woman hop up off the floor so fast to b-line for a bathroom!
The second class was much better--it showed women giving birth that were smart enough to use drugs! My mind is made up--give me the epidural!